Recently, I was asked what it is that I enjoy about being a cuckold to my wife. I thought I’d spend a few minutes to expound on that for a while, because there are few things about that I’d like to get on paper.
If you’ve followed this blog for a while (some of you have been visiting for years), or keeping up with me on the Twitter or on Tumblr, you’ve probably figured out in a general sense what it is I like about this cuckold lifestyle.
Ugh. There are those words again. Cuckold. Lifestyle. Bleah.
First of all, let me start with a few things about this fetish that I don’t like: primarily, the name. I hate the word “cuckold.” I’m on record for this in the past, but I’ll restate it here again. I have a strong dislike for this word. Cuckold comes across as too Elizabethan for my taste, more apt for Shakespeare than a contemporary, likely growing, fetish. Is cuckold really the best we can come up with? Still, it’s what we have, so let’s work with it for now.
The second is “lifestyle.” Is it a lifestyle? Ugh. Really? A lifestyle. Whatever. I’m sure you can see my eyes rolling through the words here. Lifestyle to me seems like something that is all encompassing. I dunno, but I don’t dwell on this stuff constantly (though my Twitter stream might say otherwise). I just don’t like the word choice. To me, the words lifestyle and lifestylers gets thrown around a lot of fetishes and kinks (i.e. swinging lifestyle, D/s lifestyle), but the word just doesn’t seem right. I dunno.
It’s not you, it’s me. Just my opinion. I’m open to discussion. These are the words we have so let’s use them.
Lately, as I’ve grown more and more into accepting of my cuckold role, there are few things that do stand out that I particularly like or love, even crave.
First and foremost, I crave the feeling of submission to my wife. Before very recently, I never really considered myself as a submissive male in that D/s sense, but I guess I kind of am.
I don’t think I fit that classic definition of a submissive male (if there even is one). Whips and chains don’t really do it for me. I’m only slightly interested in being tied up or restrained (except for one important part–more on this in a minute). I’m not interested in having a Domme, or breathlessly calling anyone “Mistress.”
However, I do love the mindfuck of my wife Allie calling the shots. I love when she takes charge in the bedroom. And I love the moment when it dawns on her that she doesn’t need to ask for permission to have a rendezvous or date with another man–she just let’s me know when and where it’s happening.
I love the feeling of being humiliated sexually. I know that to casual readers of this blog this has to seem completely bizarre or foreign, but it’s the truth. This humiliation can come in a lot of different forms. The most obvious one is living with the knowledge that my wife is having sexual encounters with other men. Just the thought of that is enough to drive me wild.
But there are other forms of sexual humiliation I crave. I love being reminded that her lovers are more experienced or capable in the bedroom. I love being reminded that my penis isn’t as large as her lover’s. I love hearing how they make her moan and squeal while they have sex or watching her cum again and again. It leaves me filled with all sorts of jealous doubts.
The jealousy. Oh, yes. The jealousy. I crave this. It goes against any common sense, and yet I love the feeling. It is unnatural, I know. I get it. And yet, like the watersports fetishist that gets off on being urinated on, or the masochist that is thrilled with being spanked, whipped or beaten, I get off on feeling jealous.
And jealousy is a fine line for us cuckolds, isn’t it? It’s hard to say how much is to much or too little. For me, I know when I’ve had enough. I know when Allie has crossed a line (safe words help, just like in BDSM play). And yet, I never see the line coming until it has been crossed.
The cuckold can’t usually tell when his blissful discomfort is approaching unbearable torment until after it does. My recommendation? Keep the lines of communication completely open before, during and after any encounters with others. And yet, even Allie and I seem to constantly be flirting with this imaginary line, crossing it seemingly regularly. It can lead to some tense conversations between us. They’re usually resolved quickly, because we both understand it was a lack of communication or a lack of establishing expectations for an encounter. We try to learn from it and move forward.
Jealousy is an emotion that shouldn’t be trifled with haphazardly. Take care of it. Jealousy’s proper care and feeding will make for a very happy cuckold.
Which brings me to chastity. Remember when I mentioned being restrained a little while ago? I’m going to write a lot more about this soon, but it’s fair to say that exploring chastity, sexual restraint and denial is something that Allie and are having a lot of fun with lately.
I used to think there was something wrong with men that wanted to be locked up in a sexual chastity device. It always seemed to extreme to me, and just didn’t seem right for me.
I think I get it now. Not only is it a way for my wife to ensure that I’m keeping my hands to myself, but it’s a way for her to maintain complete control of my orgasms.
I know that when I’m wearing my chastity cage, I’m giving her piece of mind that I’m not sitting at home jerking off, and that I’m only going to cum on her terms, which only adds to my love of feeling submissive to her.
And that brings me to the craving to feel submissive to her male partners. I love this, though it’s not easily accomplished–because not all of Allie’s lovers are completely on board with this whole cuckolding fetish. However, when he and I both know that I clean up her pussy after he leaves, or that I sheepishly slide my cock into Allie afterward; feeling how stretched she is on the inside and how slick she is with his load–it’s an intense feeling I have trouble putting into words.
In a nutshell, these are some of the things I find myself craving more and more of as I continue to grow into my role as a submissive cuckold. There are more: name calling, wearing a collar when Allie and I have sex, watching her get ready for dates with her men–all of those things are great, and they all feed into it.
I’m sure there are countless tons of other things that other cuckold men enjoy and need from their wives, and I love hearing from other cuckolds, their wives, and their wives’ lovers too! There is a common ground though, I’ve learned. We’re all excited by our wives sexuality and exploration, and I think that’s just awesome.
Special thanks to my good friend Mistress Mayhem for lighting a fire under me for this post.