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Archive for the 'Advice' Category

Here you’ll find posts with advice for hotwife and cuckold relationships, or advice on swinging and polyamorous encounters. This includes posts I’ve written about threesome advice, advice about creampies and advice for hotwife anklets and jewelry.


“The Marital Bed” – A cuckold dilemma

From time to time, I hear people talking about the issue of the marital bed and it’s place in cuckold and hotwife relationships. The big question is, “should your wife be with her lover in the same bed where the two of you sleep and make love together as a married couple (if you’re a cuckold that should be so lucky)?” Should a hot wife welcome another man (or men even) that is not her husband into the bed she shares with her husband?

Is their truth to the belief that no place is more sacred to a married couple than their bed? And to “defile” it by the wife screwing another man is blasphemous to that sacred ideal?

It all sounds so, well, so Victorian. Yet, it’s a big deal with a lot of couples out there. I can’t tell you what the right or wrong answer is to this. Every couple is different, and every couple will have their own opinions about what is and is not off limits. I can though tell you how we dealt with it.

Allie and I considered this when we first started swinging with other couples several years ago. Back then, we came to the conclusion that we wouldn’t bring that kind of play into our bedroom. We didn’t mind it happening in our house or guest bedroom, but our bed was going to be reserved for just us.

Every room–every flat surface in our house–was fair game, except our bed.

It didn’t last.

Our king-size bed was the perfect playground for other couples that we invited over for playtime. And our pajama party guests eventually ended up there. It was just the most comfortable place for us all to end up. Yet, playing in there didn’t seem taboo in the sense above–since there were usually more women involved than just Allie, and everyone was having fun equally.

As we started down the road into more hotwife / cuckold encounters, I was hesitant about inviting men into our bed to share my wife. The thought that men were fucking my wife in our bed while I watched played on different dominant and submissive fantasies our minds. Finally, the temptation to indulge those fantasies became too much to bear, and our bed became our venue of choice. I love collapsing asleep after hours of watching her and her boyfriends in the same bed where the act just took place. Or even having to sleep in the guestroom down the hall, while Allie and her lovers fuck throughout the night in our bed.

Still, it’s not always the most convenient venue. You probably don’t want to bring strangers into your bedroom, no matter how hot the fantasy. It’s best to keep the first several intitial encounters in a hotel room or swing club. Men have to gain our trust and friendship before they’re allowed in to the inner sanctum, so to speak. And once they’ve found their way into our bedroom, then the hottest experiences usually occur.

Craigslist: The perfect husband

I’ve found yet another installment in my ongoing series of cuckold and hotwife related posts and personals from Craigslist. This is a particularly good one from the City of Brotherly Love, where someone has taken the time to write a great tutorial for wives interested in making their husbands cuckolds. Enjoy!

The perfect husband

Turning your husband into a cuckold can be one of the most rewarding things you ever do. A successfully cuckolded husband will be completely submissive. He will satisfy all your sexual cravings, manage all the mundane chores of your life, allow you to sleep with whomever you wish, and will willingly subject himself to any amount of humiliation you desire.

But be warned, cuckolding can also be one of the most challenging things you ever do. The process is long, complicated, energy consuming, and by no means sure of success. The strain on your marriage will be unbelievable, and it may be weeks or months before you succeed.

This document has been provided to educate women on how to begin the wonderful journey of female domination and to hopefully relieve some of the apprehension that might prevent a woman from ever trying. After reading this it will be clearer that cuckolding your husband is not as hard as it seems, and that accomplishing this feat is more possible than you thought.

The most common reason a women doesn’t cuckold her husband is that she thinks he’ll never go for it – that he’s not the type. This is such a myth that it must be disproved immediately. Many cuckolds begin as ordinary husbands. Your husband may even be as manly as men come, but don’t worry, cuckolding is often a just a matter of helping your hubby discover his submissive side. Take heart in the fact that underneath all his machoness and pride, there is a cock loving wimp that is begging you to force him to do all sorts of nasty things.

First train yourself

Think of cuckolding as an art. For the wife who decides to cuckold her husband, she must have complete mastery of certain skills. Much like a artist making a painting – she must go to school, read, and practice. So like an artist, before you ever begin training your husband, you must first train yourself. You’re about to go on an incredible journey; you want to be prepared, right?

The world of cuckolding is unlike the normal world. It has various rules and customs that are different from everyday life, of which you must be aware. You must immerse yourself in this new culture. To begin, start reading erotic stories that deal with cuckolding. Many women before you have cuckolded their husbands and recorded their experiences. Also many men have written about their decent into female domination. Learn from them. Reading stories will acquaint you to the new world of cuckolding and will prevent you from having to reinvent anything. Beyond stories, you may want to read books on female domination, and buy videos of dominatrixes humiliating men.

You must also train yourself to be sexually independent. If you want to control your husband you need to not need his penis. In the future you will need to deny your husband the pleasures of your body and this will be only possible if you are strong enough to abstain from sex. Sex between you and your hubby is probably pretty vanilla anyway if you’re thinking about cuckolding him, so it shouldn’t be too hard. Masturbate often. Splurge on vibrators, dildos, lotions, clothing, and pornography. Have fun! Visit your local sex shop and ask for ideas. You may also want to think about buying toys that you can also use on your husband once he’s properly trained. The key is whenever you really have the urge for a fucking, train yourself to seek satisfaction from a source other than your husband, i.e. when you’re horny, take out your vibrator.

A good way to help your training along is to change your appearance. Make it your goal to become a hotwife. The prime focus of a hotwife is expressing her sexuality in all manners, from the type of shoes she wears to the way she shaves her pussy. A hotwife wears tight fitting clothes as much as she can. She wears short skirts, perfume, and high-heels all the time. She does her hair and wears makeup daily. At night she wears sexy lingerie. She goes to the gym often. When she goes to the grocery store she doesn’t wear underwear. If you start doing thing like these, not only will you be sending a signal to your husband that you’ve changed, but you’ll be sending a signal to yourself. Because you look like a hotwife, you’ll think you’re a hotwife, and then you’ll be a hotwife! The advantages to being a hotwife are numerous. You’re husband will lust for you much more, even if he doesn’t show it, other men will croon over you (this will increase your confidence), and your sexual energy will increase, all of which you can channel into power.

Also feel free to start flirting. It’s probably been a long time since you’ve flirted with another man, so you’ll need practice. Look men in the eyes and smile. If you drop something in the office, bend over without bending your knees. At night go out with girlfriends that like to party. Make it a goal to flirt with at least one man a day. The key is to increase you’re confidence. Not only will it be very satisfying to know that there are other men out there who are interested in you, but in the back of your mind you can use this knowledge as leverage against your husband.

Beginning

Once you’ve properly educated yourself in the art cuckolding, freed yourself from your husband’s dick, and increased your confidence, it’s time to begin.

The first submission of your husband is the most challenging phase of the process. Even if he wants to be your slave, he will resist. There are many reasons he will do this like gender stereotypes and the years of routine between you, but first and foremost will be that he wants to save-face. Not only can he not admit to you that he wants to be your bitch, but he can’t admit it to himself either. He will never just give you power over him even though he wants to. This would violate his manhood. You need to take it from him – it’s the only way.

During this time, the power in your relationship will be in flux. Neither of you will be sure where the other stands. This uncertainty will be uncomfortable for both of you because it is human nature to order the world. You will have doubts such as, “Am I being too hard on him?” “Was this a good idea?” “Did I ruin our marriage?” These are completely normal thoughts, but you must never share them with your husband. It will have to be your own private burden. His uncertainty will be twice that of yours, so you must be the guiding hand for him. Sharing thoughts of uncertainty will only insert doubt in his mind and show weakness.

Broaching the Subject

You’ll definitely want to let him know what’s going on. If he doesn’t, how can he play along? Remember, you husband wants to be cuckolded. You only need to break the ice. For example:

Has your husband ever mentioned how you’d feel about a threesome, swinging, or anything extramarital? This may be a good place to start if he did.

“Hey honey, remember that time you mentioned having a threesome? Do you still feel the same about it?”

Judge his reaction. His eyes may light up or his heart may start beating faster. He’ll try to hide his excitement of course.

He’ll ask, “Would you really consider it?”

And you can say, “Well I’ve been thinking about it. It might be fun to make some changes.”

or

If you suspect your husband masturbates often, try to catch him in the act. Then you can give him hell.

“Honey, I’ve had it with you! This is the last time I catch you masturbating. It’s disrespectful and disgusting. Things are going to be changing around here!”

These are just a few examples of how to broach cuckolding with your husband. Note the range in ways. Also note cuckolding was never mentioned. At this early stage there is no need to be specific. The only thing you need to be concerned about is the main message: “Things are going to be changing.” Of all the stories you’ve read about wives cuckolding their husbands, choose the method you are most comfortable with.

Being Mean

After you’ve let him know that things will be changing around the house, you have to follow through. Remember, he won’t just give you control, you have to take it from him. Basically you’re going to have to be mean to him. If you were raised right this will probably not be easy for you. You were taught to treat everyone with the same respect you wish to have. This is one of the hardest parts of cuckolding because you’ll be breaking the Golden Rule, but once you get used to it, it becomes natural.

Start by taking aspects of his life away from him. One of the first things you can do is to take is his identity away. For example, feminize your husband’s name; Jack can become Jackie, Dan can become Danielle. Or childize his name; John can become Johnny, Bill can become Billy. You’re main objective is equate him with weakness – historically women and children. On the same lines, you can call him nicknames like, “Little One” or “Tiny.” And refer to his penis as a “dicklet.” This will strike his insecurity with his penis size, and if he never had an insecurity, it will create one.

Also don’t let him call you by name anymore. Only equals can call each other by name. Force him to refer to you as “Mistress” or “Goddess.” When you ask him a yes or no question, make him respond with “Yes, Mam” or “No, Mam.” This will help condition him.

Other examples of being mean to your husband are to take his free time away by giving him chores, his money and possessions away by demanding he be frugal, and his sex life away by withdrawing sex. Start small, but be firm. You want him to get used to submitting, and you used to dominating. For example, make him make the bed every morning from now on instead of you. Even something as inconsequential as making the bed will have a submissive effect on him and it will be something to build on later. For example, when you feel the time is right you can add to his responsibilities, “Honey, since you’re doing such a great job making the bed everyday, I’m going to have you clean the entire bedroom every morning from now on too.”

Take you time being mean. It’s more important that you are comfortable with the process than the actual process. You are training yourself to be the beautiful and terrifying wife who’s husband begs to please you. Be strict with the rules you make. If your husband doesn’t take out the trash let him know your displeasure. Punish him with real consequences if he messes up.

Punishment may be many different things depending on your style. You can be passive aggressive by withdrawing sex. You can be very aggressive and spank him. You can force him to do something perverted like eating his own semen. Just make sure you communicate with him at the time of his infracture that you are displeased with him, and that there will be consequences.

Being Nice

The beauty of being mean to your husband isn’t in its direct benefits such as stated above, but in how it redefines being nice. Things that used to be normal for him are now special treats. He used to be able to have sex with you whenever he wanted, but because you’ve withdrawn sex from him, you’ve made it a rare event – something to behold. By being constantly mean to you husband, you’ll lower his standard of what is considered nice.

Use this concept once you’ve established a baseline of meanness, which will probably take few weeks. Once being mean has become the norm you can start. For example, let him know a reward will follow his future good behavior. You can say, “I’ve decided today that if you’re a good boy all week and do all your chores, I’ll give you a blowjob at the end of the week.” A blowjob only a few weeks ago was not worth doing an entire week of chores for, but because you’re mean now, a blowjob’s value has greatly increased. Being “nice” like this you give your husband an incentive to follow your rules — further deepening your control.

Try to think of your husband as an ape you’re training. It’s all about sticks and carrots. Reward him for good behavior, punish him for bad, and most importantly, remind him that he’s lessor to you.

Your Pleasure First

Once you’ve mastered being mean to him, you can progress to a new lesson. Train him to subordinate his pleasure to yours. His new reason for being will be solely to please his mistress. Let him know this. Things like the new car he was planning on buying make off limits. Nights out with his friends, no — he has to stay in and clean. Fishing? Nope, he’s got to do laundry.

Not only will this degrade him, but it will give you more free time. Take advantage of this and enjoy it! Go to the pool and relax, go out with your friends at night, go on dates with other men. You won’t have to worry about the kids anymore because your husband is watching them. And because you’ve forbidden him from buying that big ticket item he’s been saving for, go shopping! There’s plenty of money now, right? This the time to be a hotwife — go for it.

If you don’t do these things by deciding you’d rather be nice to him, it will be to your determent. It’s up to you to fill the void of your husband’s powerlessness. If you only force him not to buy the car, but then don’t spend the freed money, you’re sending him an incomplete message. Spend the car money on yourself, and let him know, “I, your wife, don’t care about your pleasure because mine is more important.” Make sure you fill the void, you don’t want all your hard work wasted.

Changing the definition of sex

This lesson is especially important. Definitely no more blowjobs. The blowjob is the epitome of giving him pleasure. Don’t even have sexual intercourse with him. Intercourse equates both of your pleasures, not exactly the message you want to send him. If he insists on sex, have him fuck you with your favorite dildo. Make sure to mention how much bigger it is than his penis and how much you enjoy having a “real cock” in you. If you absolutely must have sex with him a good idea may be to make him wear a “long lasting” or numbing condom. This will greatly reduce his pleasure. The best thing you can turn sex into is him eating you out, period. You may want to squat on his face and force him to eat your pussy, or lay on your back and make him beg to eat you. Either way, he should soon learn what you mean when you say, “Let’s have sex.”

Conditions

From here you can take things further. A good way to do this is with conditions. A condition is basically a trade. For example, “Okay wimp, I’ll let you cum tonight, but you have to cum in your hand and eat it afterwards,” or “Alright Lexie [for Alex], I’m going to be nice tonight and let you fuck me, but afterwards you’re going to have to eat your cum from my pussy.” By using conditions, you can bring him to higher levels of submission voluntarily. This is more than worth the momentary pleasure you trade him.

Once you’ve gotten your hubby to do a degrading act for the first time with a condition, the subsequent times become much easier. Let’s say it had been a month since you let you husband stick his dick in you. Then one night you offered him the chance to fuck you as long as you got to fuck him afterwards. He was so desperate to get his dick wet, he jumped at the chance. That night you give him a good cum, then put on your strap on dildo and stuck it in his ass for the first time. You’ve now made it much easier to fuck him in the ass for a 2nd time by breaking that initial barrier. You probably won’t need to bargain with him again, just force him. Using a condition at every major cuckold milestone is recommended. For example when you bring another man into the relationship. This is a big step for him, so you’ll have to coax him along with rewards.

Don’t use conditions forever. They are just a tool to use in the beginning stages of taming your husband. After a while you will have amassed so much power, there will be no need for them. You can just make him do whatever you want. Once you’ve reached this point using a condition will actually make you look weaker.

Congratulations!

Sometime around this point you will have reached a milestone in which you can say you’ve officially turned your husband into your slave. Usually it occurs after you’ve forced your husband to do something so depraved that he has no self respect anymore. It may be the night you take his anal virginity, the night you come home from a bar and make him eat another man’s cum from your pussy, or the time you force him to suck another man’s larger penis. All the hard work you have done training yourself and your husband culminates here. For afterwards the change in your relationship will be so apparent that both of you will never be able to go back. He will be stricken with terrible shame and embarrassment, and you will have finally tasted the ecstasy of pure power.

Also remember that with great power comes responsibility. You are now responsible for another human being. You will have to make many more decisions because he has deferred authority to you, his dominatrix. You have changed his life purpose from the pursuit of happiness to the pursuit of your happiness; you must give him every opportunity to fulfill this new mission and he will be grateful to serve you.

Now relax, you’ve made it! Enjoy the lifestyle perks that cuckolding has to offer. Live a life of leisure. Have you husband take care of all the mundane things. Make him do all sorts of nasty and perverted things. Sleep with other men at will and bring them home to play. Whatever you choose to do with your cuckold, enjoy the luxury of choice!

I am very interested in living this lifestyle. Are you?

An open letter to younger men interested in hotwife and cuckold lifestyles

In just the past few days, we’ve received a few emails from prospective “dates” asking us if we would be interested in meeting younger men. The short answer is of course. We don’t mind meeting you, so long as you’re of legal age.

That said, it’s rare that we meet men under the age of thirty. And it’s not because of the age difference. It’s usually because your level of maturity just isn’t there. It’s important that you be able to handle this situation properly. That includes being private and discreet about it. It means not sending us endless emails asking to “hook up” again. It means not calling at all hours. It means you have to be respectful and polite, particularly when we first meet.

Plus, we have so little in common now with you guys in your early twenties. We’d like to at least be able to have a conversation with you, before and after you jump in the sack with my wife. But if we don’t share a lot of the same kinds of life experiences, then you’re really going to have to prove it in the bedroom so to speak.

And speaking of the bedroom, a lot of younger men just haven’t had the kind of sexual experience and background that we’re looking for. A lot of you are still learning, and while you might have the stamina to please a woman–you don’t quite have a grasp yet of all the psychological nuance necessary for these kinds of encounters to work. Or…you just might not know what you’re doing at all yet. And that’s fine–but we’re not always in a position where we can help you learn that stuff. Most of the time, we’re looking for someone who can come in and know how to please her, while knowing how to get inside my head at the same time. Plus, we’d like to get comfortable enough with you so that I don’t always have to be in the room…and I know Allie would like that too.

So, younger men, all is not lost. We do like hearing from you, and we’d love to meet you. Here are a few tips (and you might take a few cues from this posting also):

  1. Keep your emails bright, polite and intelligent. We get lots of mail from mature guys. Find a way to distinguish yourself–without coming across as arrogant or idiotic. A little proper punctuation goes a long way.
  2. Send a photo you would send to your mom. Not of your cock. Period. Cock shots, with no face pics, go right to the trash without looking twice. A good rule of thumb ratio is 3 clothed, unblurred pics to each nude photo (if any).
  3. Email once, and leave it alone. If we want to meet you, we will write back. We will contact you to let you know either way. I know there are a lot of couples out there that don’t write back, and you feel like you have to send and resend your email. That just hurts. It never helps. That’s why it’s so important to put your best face forward on the very first email.
  4. Be a gentleman. To a fault. I know you’ve got an urge to get all dominant, turn on your “bull routine” and try to “put me in my place,” yadda, yadda, yadda. Save it for when my wife’s feet are in the air, and believe me, I’ll be well on my way into submissive cuckold space. Until then, mind your manners.
  5. Remember to send a thank you email the next day. Compliment her and thank me. We’ll notice. You won’t get invited back otherwise.
  6. Dress to impress.
  7. Do your homework. Try to learn as much as you can about what we’re looking for. Ask smart questions.
  8. Remember that this is our fantasy too. This isn’t all about you. This is a 3-way street: you, her and I. This will all go a lot smoother if you keep this in mind.

That’s it. Sounds like job interviewing tips, doesn’t it? Well, that’s a pretty good metaphor. We all want this encounter to be fun, sexy and positive. Plus, we might be interested in a long-term arrangement.  I think if you keep these points in mind, you’ll have success. If not with us, then with another couple.

Good luck!

–David

Cuckold jealousy

I received a question via email today about jealousy and how it’s handled when it comes up in cuckold situations. I think there’s no doubt when a couple decides to engage in a hotwife / cuckold lifestyle at any level, they’ll definitely encounter jealousy issues on the part of the husband. Smart couples will address and work through those issues quickly and monitor them often.

Watching your wife with another man is very exciting and thrilling, but the powerful emotion of jealousy and envy can erupt without warning. You, as her loving, yet cuckolded, husband need to be prepared to address it and handle it.

I’d like to propose three steps that men can work through their cuckold jealousy, and keep his evolving relationship with his hotwife positive, and her encounters with her lovers fun and exciting. I’m not a psychologist or anything like that. These are just things I do to address my occasional jealousy issues, and turn those negative feelings into thoughts that drive my lust for my hotwife even greater.

Step One: Acknowledgment

When the pangs of jealous envy begin to rear their ugly head, the first thing I do is acknowledge that is what I’m feeling. I take a few minutes, take some deep breaths, and identify and label those thoughts as jealous ones. I think this is very important. After a few times, this step will help you prepare for future bouts of envy and you’ll begin to identify those feelings faster. It’ll also help you begin to see a pattern of why or when those feelings of cuckold jealousy happen for you. For me, I get the jealousy pangs when one of three things happen: 1) When Allie sees a lover’s cock for the first time, and its bigger than mine; 2) When Allie cums with a lover quickly when he’s fucking her; and 3) When Allie fucks one of her lovers for an hour or more without him cumming.

Do you see a pattern there? For me, my pattern of cuckold jealousy revolves all around my feelings of sexual inadequacy. I’m sure the same pattern exists for other jealous cuckolds out there, yet I’m sure there are others. I found that by acknowledging my jealousy and identifying those feelings as such, helped me to enjoy those encounters more. Until you acknowledge them, you can’t do the next step.

Step Two: Transference

After I found my pattern of cuckold jealousy, I learned that transferring those negative feelings into something positive helped me a great deal. The very first time I saw Allie having sex with another man, I almost couldn’t handle it. I had a big problem with it, even though I wanted to see and experience it. I was wracked with jealousy, and even had to leave the room for a little while, while he plowed away into her. Needless to say, I didn’t handle the early encounters very well.

Later, I determined that the reason why I felt so jealous was because I loved by wife so much, and that I felt threatened by men that were able to please her with more ability and ease than I had. I transferred my thoughts of jealousy, into thoughts of admiration and love. Admiration of men that were obviously more capable than me, and love for my wife that was getting the kind of pleasure she deserved. After I started transferring my jealous feelings, I was ready for the last step.

Step Three: Acceptance

The last step I use to conquer the jealousy in my head is to accept the situation. I just think, “this is just the way it is. This is what I wanted.” I accept that I love my wife and she loves me, but this is what is best for her and her lover. It’s best for her to be pleased by capable men. And it’s best for me to just watch and help out as needed (or not).

So, when I see my hot wife Allie on her hands and knees, with her lover behind her, fucking her pregnant ass, I accept it. That’s right. It’s what I want. It’s what she wants. And it’s certainly what he wants.

And after a lover unloads his cum on Allie’s tits, and she tells me to put my head down and lick it off her, I accept it. I love her more giving her the confidence to, and she loves me for following her wishes. I might be jealous that he got to cum, and I didn’t, but that’s okay. I’m doing it because I love her and respect his role in the encounter.

I don’t expect people not in this lifestyle to accept or even understand this concept. It’s a leap that couples have to make if they’re going to be successful in this kind of play. And if they take it a step further, and make it a full lifestyle choice, they’ll find out quickly that issues with cuckold jealousy have to be addressed early and often. There’s no more powerful phenomenon in the hotwife / cuckold dynamic, but I really think with some time and patience, husbands can make it work for them.

Cuckold and hotwife advice: Sharing the dream

I get a lot of questions via email each week from men interested in the cuckold lifestyle, and really want to introduce the hotwife concept to their wives, but are not sure how to bring up the topic. It takes a lot of guts and confidence to approach your wife with the idea that you want to see her with other men–and it’s downright courageous to tell her that you might like to feel humiliated in such an encounter as well.

So what is the best way to bring up this topic? Hopefully, you and your wife are strong enough in your relationship that you have an atmosphere of openness and honesty, and you’re both able to communicate your sexual wants and needs. Still, this is a pretty daunting topic, and even the most open and honest couples might find talking about cuckolding and hotwives to be challenging.

How do you make the critical first step? It’s a tough situation. You have to express your desire, without scaring her away and closing the door on the fantasy all together.

Let me suggest an icebreaker that might help get the conversation started in a nonthreatening way. Mention to your wife that you had a dream where you were watching her having sex with another man. Be sure to remind her how sexy and sensuous she was in the dream, how much she appeared to be enjoying herself, and how much you enjoyed watching her. Be descriptive, but remember that dreams are very ephemeral and memories of them fade. You can’t be too detailed.

Take as long as needed to let the concept simmer. Don’t just come right out and say, “And I’d think we should try it.” Give her some time to get her head around it. Ask her if she’s ever had similar dreams or thoughts? Now is the time to mention that you would like to see her in such an encounter–but it is not the time to ask her to begin planning one. You should take care to keep it conversational and exploratory. Don’t try to force the issue. More than anything you need to gauge her interest and begin to plant the seeds to keep the conversation going.

Certainly, this approach could be used for any number of fantasies, not just cuckolding, hotwives and threesomes. This might be how you bring up your interest in exploring swinging. Or anal. Or anything. It’s a low-impact way for you to let her try on different ideas for size, based on something you dreamt–at no fault of your own.

Placing the blame for the fantasy squarely on the shoulders of a dream, gives you an out. After all, it was only a dream, right? If she goes nuts, hey, blame it on the dream: “I don’t know why I dreamed it–I just did.” But it does give you an easy conversation starter and an easy way to see how open she might be to discussing it further.

Who knows? She might tell you about a dream she had too!

Dan Savage: Cuckolding conundrums

In a recent Savage Love, sex and relationship advice columnist Dan Savage covered some great reader questions about the cuckolding fetish and cuckold relationships. He made some unique analysis of it, but more than anything it’s cool to see it addressed. I suspect that folks are becoming more and more aware of its existence. I know from traffic on this blog that people are very curious about it. Have a look!

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Creampies and the Blues

What is it about creampies that makes us hubbies of hotwives so excited? Is it the thought that another man is “marking his territory” inside your wife? Is it that only a husband should have the privilege of cumming inside his wife, that to let another man do it is so over-the-top taboo? And of course, let’s not forget the truly cuckolded, submissive men out there that are humiliated by seeing a dominant alpha male ejaculate inside his mate.

Of course the only way most of us are going to witness a creampie inside our wife is to generate it ourselves. Forget about the pregnancy risk. In this STD fearful day and age, we have to be careful and aware of the risks of strange men cumming anywhere near us, not to mention inside the holiest of holies. So, the only way to safely encounter a creampie is to make it yourself, by cumming inside your hotwife.

But in the vast (99.9%) of men, an orgasm is immediately followed by, for lack of a better term, the “Post-Orgasm Blues,” or POB. POB is a very legitimate feeling–you know, it’s the feeling you get after orgasm that just makes you want to curl up in a ball and go to sleep, turn the game back on, or do anything except think about sex.

We’ve all been there, guys. You cum and immediately you lose interest in sex for a little while. There’s no escaping it–POB is physiological, caused by cascading hormones in your brain that you have little to no control over.

Think about it? Things that seem like a good idea before orgasm, in this case eating a fresh creampie created by you and your cum, never seem like that great an idea after orgasm. In fact, you might be mildly repulsed by the idea–or completely turned off. That’s POB in action.

So, in the heat of passion you might think you want to clean out your wife’s pussy–and roleplay the hot fantasy that it’s another guy’s cum–but it’s easier said than done because POB can be pretty powerful. Biology trumps desire almost every time.

And let’s forget about the homophobic angle here while we’re on the subject of creampies, shall we? Since when is eating pussy a homosexual activity (well, unless you’re a lesbian–but that’s another post). I’m not saying that creampies aren’t out there on the fringe–but there’s certainly nothing homosexual about them–so drop that idea here and now. Eating a creampie might make you submissive, or even a little humiliated–but it doesn’t make you gay. Got it?

So…is it possible to train yourself to defeat POB and eat a creampie? That’s a good question. I’m not sure. I’m still warming up to the creampie idea to begin with, so I’m not even sure it’s for me. I do think they look hot–and I’m always looking for photos of them online (I’ve amassed quite the creampie photo collection). Eating them though? I’m not sure. It sounds hot–but the blues!

Here are a few ideas for beating the Post-Orgasm Blues that I found in this exceptionally hot discussion group. These might be helpful if you find yourself battling POB and want to add enjoying creampies to you and your hotwife’s sexual repertoire.

    • Just do it. This sounds simple, but caving in to POB really is largely mental. If someone rang a fire alarm right after you came, you could muster the energy to get out alive and maybe even spare some energy to put on clothes. You are not in a coma, so snap out of it and please your woman.
    • Consider creampie eating part of lovemaking, the middle part. Part of the problem is that an orgasm is a nice stopping place, like a period to a sentence. If you considered it a comma, you would just go on. So, tell yourself that your orgasm is just the middle of sex, not the end. When you cum, slide down as if you are ready for the next phase in a continuous lovemaking medley, and you are not done yet. With this attitude, you can keep going all night.
    • Change times of day. If you always make love late at night, you will already be tired before you begin. The POB just adds to your exhaustion and you drop happily into sleep. Why not try a nooner or a wake-me-up? Your energy level will still be high and you will have a better chance of defeating the dreaded POB.
    • Why not take a rest? Who says that ten seconds after your last squirt you need to be heading south? Spend a minute, two minutes, ten, or fifteen — whatever it takes! — then slide down. OK, so she will have drained a little, but the remaining cum will still be delicious. If you think you are reluctant because of latent homophobia, this is also a good strategy because the creampie will taste so strongly of her.
    • Enlist her help. Talk it over with her, and let her know your feelings and your problem. That alone can resolve emotional issues that masquerade as POB and your next time could be successful. She can also give you encouragement, which can be helpful. If still not successful, ask her to force you to follow through: ask her to sit on your face afterward. Make sure she knows you won’t think her a bitch; she is being a loving partner who is helping you achieve a long-held desire.
    • Give it a practice run. Fuck her a little, then eat her a little. Fuck some more, eat some more. Keep it up, and after you cum, it is just another part of the cycle.
    • Get snowballed. As training, snowballing is a big help. Basically, your lover gets you off orally, capturing your cum in her mouth. Then, she moves up and kisses you, forcing you to eat your own cum. There are several benefits. First, you learn to eat your own cum. Second, you learn that sex is not over until she says it is over. And third, at least you have gotten a nice blowjob.
    • Enlist a third or join a couple. This is simple to explain: if you have trouble keeping your interest after you orgasm, let another man orgasm for you! Let him fill the pussy and then you can eat it.

    So, do you have much experience with beating the blues and creampies? Please share your experiences, ideas and additions to this list in the comments. We’d love to learn from you guys (and girls!).

    Hotwife car sticker question

    An emerging Indiana hotwife wrote us today with the following questions regarding the Hotwife car sticker we have for sale in the Hotwife Store:

    I was introduced to you and David’s site by my husband and now it is a place that I check in everyday. I am in the transformation stage of trying to become a hotwife. I have a lover that my husband supports and we have also engaged in play with our closest married friends. My husband and I have decided that this lifestyle suits us perfectly. However, that being said, we are both business professionals and need to keep our personal life pretty private. I am very intrigued by the pic of your car that has the HW sticker on it. I would LOVE to buy that and put that on my car. My husband would absolutely love it…but my question to you is, how do you explain what HW means, if anyone asks? I have older children, and I know that they will ask. How about friends and family? I mean, usually those types of stickers stand for a vacation location or something….I have been racking my brain to come up with an alternate meaning…so that we can continue to keep underwraps…at least to those who do not need to know what it truly means.

    Sorry for the lengthy email…just wondered how you or if you have had to explain it to anyone, that you really don’t want to know your lifestyle.

    Thanks for your time! I look forward to hearing from you. I truly enjoy your honesty and openness. It helps me to accept who I am by knowing that others have perfectly great marriages with extended boundaries such as ours.

    Thanks Again,

    CC

    Well CC, we have in fact been asked a few times about the meaning of the HW sticker. Our stock response is that it stands for “housewife,” easy enough to believe now that Allie is a domestic goddess.

    You might say it stands for “Hollywood,” if you’ve ever been there on vacation or to visit, just like the OBX stickers stand for “Outer Banks,” and HH stands for “Hilton Head.”

    Hmmmm…otherwise, maybe it stands for a certain charity you might support (I have no idea as to what), a sports league you’re in, a club you’ve joined or a fraternal organization (probably a stretch).

    You might also just say it’s none of anyone’s business what it means. Of course that just might drive people into more curiosity.

    I’m not sure–it’s a good question actually. You might go with some symbolism that is more discreet (anklet, temporary tattoo, etc.).

    Does anyone have any ideas? Please post in the comments.

    Recent forum posts of note

    There have been a few forum posts over at the Our HotWives Forum and the Cuckold Forum that have caught my eye this evening, and I thought I’d share them. Please have a look. I’d love to hear what other people think.

    • How to approach a hotwife and hubby — “Is there an appropriate way to approach a HW or HW & Hubby without being offensive and overly rude. Are there unwritten rules of the game that are generally more acceptible than others.”
    • The First Time — “The first time I watched another man fuck my wife was at a swingers club in Phoenix. At the time she was 27 and we had been married for 8 years. We had been going to the club for a few months and up until this night she had not gone any further than dancing and kissing.”

    • Re: How do heavy cummers do it? — “The volume of ejaculate can be increased with a healthy diet, proper hydration, training and technique. The fluid volume is primarily dependent on the function of the prostate, and related structures including the vas, which accumulate prostatic fluid and sperm.”
    • Unplanned – Saw her in action — “This night was completely unplanned. I had never seen my wife fuck another man before and never thought she would! It was a great turn on for us both and we talk about it happening again soon. It goes to show you that any woman given the right time and circumstances, will fuck… with or without their husband present.”
    • Heavy Cummers — “Kate recently started seeing a new guy. I love it when Kate fucks him because he cums more than any guy I have ever known. After he cums in her she is just dripping wet.”
    • Wife’s Upcoming Trip to “Visit her girlfriend” ” — “Although she will never admit it to me, she is having an affair with one of the guys in her office. When she used to talk about the office flirting, she admitted that this guy always loved to take cruises but hadn’t found a female companion brave enough to sun bathe topless on a cruise with him.”

    R-E-S-P-E-C-T

    <rant>
    I feel compelled to write a little on the topic of respect in the hotwife lifestyle. I’m observing a growing trend in the lifestyle of a lack of respect on the part of single men for the husbands and wives, and the special bond they share.

    Very often, we receive e-mail and instant messages from men that are eager to meet Allie. And by meet Allie, I mean have sex with Allie. Often these messages offer very little in the way of compliments or conversation, not to even mention seduction. It’s like some men out there just assume that she’s going to jump into bed with them on the appearance of a “let’s fuck” e-mail in our inbox.

    Listen up, single men…

    You will not get very far in this lifestyle if you don’t act courteous, kind and respectful when communicating (e-mail or otherwise) with hotwife couples. Please remember that it’s just as important to compliment the husband on his incredibly hot wife. And remember that ALL wives out there are incredibly hot–and you better tell their husband that, if you’re going to get anywhere with them.

    Husbands play an enormously important part in this lifestyle. Very often, we’re the gatekeepers. Nine times out of ten, I’d guess we’re the ones screening the e-mails, setting the dates, planning the parties and coordinating the schedules. Beyond that though, we want to share our wives because we want them to be admired and wanted by other men. If you don’t make us feel like we’re the luckiest men on earth and that our wives are the sexiest women you’ve ever seen, then why should we feel like sharing our wives with you? Because you e-mailed us a grainy close-up photo of your cock and nothing else?

    You’re going to have to let us know how much you want her, how pretty she is, and how damn lucky we must feel to have such a hot wife. If not, and believe me when I say this, you’re e-mail will be deleted before I get to your photo attachment, I don’t care how big your dick is.

    Wait…there’s more. I really love the guys out there that when we do ask for another picture to go with their unsolicited cock photo–they say, “that’s the only photo I have.” You mean to tell me that the only photo of yourself you have access to is one of your penis? Is that the photo that you email to your mom or send around to your friends during the holidays? That’s the best…I love the “that’s-the-only-photo-I-have-scanned” guys. You mean when you plugged in your scanner, the first photo of yourself you reached for was of your dick? Nice!

    Think of it this way, and be honest: If you were to approach us, or any couple for that matter, in a bar or nightclub, would you walk over to us and just pull your dick out without any introduction?

    No? Then why on earth is it the first thing you send in an email?

    But, let’s get back to respect. The “bull” mentality that’s becoming more and more pervasive in this lifestyle has to change. There’s a lot of arrogance there and single men entering this lifestyle need to remember that the couple is calling 99.9% of the shots.

    I’m not saying there’s not a place for the dominant nature of a single male (“bull”) in hotwife couple sexual encounters. It’s the arrogance prior to and during an initial meeting that I have a problem with.

    In general swinger circles, I know a lot of single men get frustrated because a lot of couples are only looking for other couples. Very often, single swinger men are insulted and ignored. I mean, how many swinger personal ads start with “NO SINGLE MEN.” Or “E-MAILS FROM SINGLE MEN WILL BE DELETED.” I imagine it must be enough to drive serious single men crazy and wonder why they’re looking in the first place.

    Remember in the hotwife realm, single men are usually what we’re looking for. But you must approach couples from a friendly, or even seductive, standpoint. Don’t act like you’re God’s gift to the lifestyle (because that’s not likely).

    So remember: we’re hoping to meet you–we want the single male thing to work out–so don’t blow it by coming across as arrogant or pushy.
    </rant>

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