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I’m asking you: How do you convince a wife to become a hot wife?

I get tons of email every week asking variations of this same question. They go something like this:

  • How can I convince my shy wife to sleep with other men?
  • Do you know the easiest way to get my wife to try cuckolding me?
  • What’s the easiest way to tell my wife that I want her to fuck other men in front of me?
  • Can you help me figure out the best way to bring the concept of hotwives up to my wife?

(sigh) Well, I’ve tried time and time again to answer this question for literally dozens (if not hundreds by now) of men. There’s no easy answer, and no two wives, nor marriages, are the same.

So, I’m turning this question back to you, dear readers. What would you say? Help me build a good answer to this stalwart FAQ and make a great resource for all the enthusiastic, yet confused and timid husbands out there that are ready and willing for their wives to be as ready and willing as they are. Please post your thoughts in the comments!

14 Responses to “I’m asking you: How do you convince a wife to become a hot wife?”

  1. on 07 Feb 2008 at 8:23 pmLupo

    Well I agree not every person is the same. Yet I think the #1 rule for every one is always the same. Take your time. Don’t rush or push her. #2 is always the same too. Tell her how you love her and don’t let her feel she is not good enough. Yes I know sounds messed up when you are asking her to sleep with others not you…. Yet it’s true. I am not really a good person to tell others. I have a wife who is in to BDSM (She topping me) about 50% of the time. Swinging about 90% of the time. Cuckold and Hotwife about 75% of the time. We have played little with others. I take my time and go with the flow. Well, at least I try to. ;)

  2. on 08 Feb 2008 at 8:20 amlank

    The most important thing besides 1) the males desire and 2) patience, is her openmindedness.
    If she has a closed mind to swinging or bi-sex chances are you will not be successful in getting her to be with a male alone…
    Once I found my Wife was interested in alternative forms of sexual play, swinging, an intense feeling for other women, dominance, fetishism the transition became easier… after all, if She expresses desires to be with the male of another couple, is turned on by his approach, etc., how much more will it take for her to desire him alone??? Since we have begun our journey She has transitioned to sex with others exclusively (males and females), made me Her sub and cuckold.. what a life!

  3. on 08 Feb 2008 at 8:54 pmPB Zoom

    I have come close… My wife has gotten so far as to have cyber sex with her current lover… and I keep digging… she knows how I love it and want her to go all the way. She even lets me watch as she masturbates for her lover on a web cam. But as of yet… nothing on the ‘coming home with panties full of him’ front. I keep hoping, as she does. He is sort of shy about a meeting… silly boy.

    Best advice I have, is be persistent but not aggravating. Let her know she is free to be sexual with her choice of men, but that you will always love her. My wife loves watching me as she cums for her lover. It really does something for her to know that I love her so much and let her be free to do what she really wants. Get sex from others.

    I have been lurking here for a while… just thought I would say HI!


  4. on 10 Feb 2008 at 11:37 amSimon

    It’s realy hard, women are most of the time unpredictable. My wife accepted to do it while we had intercourse after role playing and was very excited. We discussed about this for weeks, and eventually we started looking online for a partner. We found one very close, very good looking from her point of view,they had all kind of “fun” oncam, and we set a date. We met him, but she got cold feet on our way to the motel and she decided not to do it, although I insisted like hell. Now, we are back at the beginning; she doesn’t want to have sex with another man for now, but she claims that she might become more open after a while, like she did last time. I learned from this that there is a big difference between her fantasy and the real thing…

  5. on 10 Feb 2008 at 3:40 pmJohn

    I think this is a great discussion topic, because I suspect the answer will be different for different couples.

    In my own case, my wife had, with my encouragement, a lover several years ago and was contemplating taking others when a serious illness curtailed all activities. But I don’t think I “convinced her to become a hot wife” so much as convinced her that I really loved her and still wanted her to have other sex partners. She decided when to actualize the fantasy.

    Like others have said, communication and mutual understanding are critical. My wife has recovered and her interest in sex is increasing – and she’s intimated that taking another lover is not out of the question – but not yet. She sometimes gets annoyed if I make suggestive, joking comments; other times, she jokes along with me, and sometimes even initiates such verbal play. But each step has to be discussed and mutually agreed on. No attempted set-ups or such nonsense – that’s the quickest way to destroy a relationship.

    Frankly, I’d really like to hear Allie’s views on this subject.

  6. on 10 Feb 2008 at 4:24 pmJoe

    It’s difficult for wives to wrap their minds around cuckolding their husband. Most women were raised in a male dominated household. Part of the attraction wives feel for their husband is toward a strong man who can give them the f*&% they need. Learning to get this sensation from another man and still love their husband is a very slow transition. Patience!!! As wives learn the rewards from this lifestyle they tend to embrace it more. My wife used enforced chastity on her husband as an avenue to accepting the cuckolding lifesyle. Good luck and be careful what you wish for.

  7. on 13 Feb 2008 at 8:24 pmkimberly

    hah , as a woman , i wish i had a man to love me to the point that we could both interact sexually with other but still make it an intimate thing for the both of us . better question . how do make your man feel okay with the situation ? i think that is impossible .

  8. on 25 Feb 2008 at 9:23 pmDerrick


    I have extensively investigated the world of cuckolding, and actually lost a marriage due to the desire. It is of my opinion that ALOT of men have the fantasy of seeing their wife or significant other with another man. Now, if you are married then that is another issue, as cuckolding is very much a male driven desire for it to work. Convincing a man is harder than convincing a woman in my opinion. My words of encouragement to you is that there are many men out there who are very interested in finding a partner who is open to this sort of lifestyle/sexstyle. The challenge for a woman such as yourself is to find one who is in it for the love of his wife and not to get off. Case in point, cuckolding porn ends once the single male has climaxed. Reality does not end once the cuck gets off. The bull is still there, the play is still going on. That can be an overwhelming transition to many “wannabe” cuckolds. My bottom line is that if you are truely content on finding a man to cuckold or be in a open relationship, the opportunities are bountiful for women. Alot of guys want to be cuckolded that much, now it is all about weeding out the users from the authentic ones.

    As for the idea of how to get a wife to cuckold, here is my observation. Some wives just won’t do it. There is a set transition for the ones who are open. My advice is to create an open dialogue. Now your wife may be blown away by your dark little secret, but at least she knows what you want. Manipulating her or tricking her into it (like many advertise is possible on cuckolding sites) WILL NEVER HAPPEN. The best case scenario is she is willing to see where that road travels with you, and opens up to teasing you or role playing. After that, perhaps it will transition into cuckolding once she feels 100% secure that the relationship is real and that the man isn’t going to freak out once she acts on his supposed desire. The best thing a potential cuckold can do is build up the self-perception of his wife. Woman, to generalize, have alot of body issues. Getting them to feel sexy and secure while authentically appreciating her and encouraging her about her beauty and how desireable she is must happen. The key word is AUTHENTIC. If it is fake or comes off as the man wanting her to shoot some porno or do something below her standards, game over. Bottom line. Be open and honest about what you want. Then work towards that goal by showing your wife you love her (even if she won’t cuckold you, your wife deserves for you to adore her), and perhaps promoting some of the action such as buying her sexy clothing or underwear. Take an active approach. Openess, honest, authenticity. Then pray she is willing to take you at face value for your request.

  9. on 11 Mar 2008 at 10:02 pmZadsDad

    I don’t kow about the rest but for my wife it was easy. Dildos (Big Black One’s) IR DVD’s, Nasty Talk, & Finding the right man for her first time. Hell the Last one was herader than all the rest.
    Well that & it took 10 years! Time Well Spent.

  10. on 03 Sep 2008 at 9:44 pmThe Lusty Texan

    I thought Derrick’s answer was very good.

    My ex and I had a relationship in which she would sleep with other guys and then come home and tell me all of the dirty details. (Unfortunately, the marriage ended for unrelated reasons.)

    Before she and I started dating, I had already mentioned that I was turned on by the thought of my wife/gf sleeping with other men, and she said she was turned on by the idea too. By choice, I have spent quite a few years not being in a relationship. However, I have decided that if and when I ever do get into a relationship again, it will be a similar relationship. It will be something she and I will talk about and agree to before we get into a relationship.

    Now, the tough part is finding the right woman!

  11. on 11 Jan 2009 at 6:15 pmMurphy

    For me it was easy.We started swinging with an older couple, It turned out that she was a hot wife and made no secret of it.
    When we had sex the wife talked to me about being a a hot wife and found that the idea turned me on.

    She then introduced the idea to my wife. and set up a lunch date with a pair of college kids. She ws worried at first that I would be annoyed, but when I aid that I expected it to happen, all was open.

    Now she has a couple of steady lovers. The great thing is that I get all the sex I want and so does she.

  12. on 18 May 2009 at 6:35 pmRoguetek

    Well, putting in my 2 cents worth. I was marrried and cucked for 7yrs to my first wife who did end up leaving me for one of her lovers. I have no regrets since she is happy and really what it should be about as a true cuckold anyways. Yes, I was sad for a while after it ended but over it now and working on wife #2. She is older 5 years older than me, while my ex was 5 yrs younger. #2 is proving to be a bit more of a challenge and I do seem to be making some progress where the other day she made a comment “everybody loves a good looking black man”. After we had been married for 2 years and I had talked to her about havign sex with other men even before we got married, telling her if she ever wanted to have another man just talk to me and let me know and I would be OK with it as long as it were out in the open. We did the dirty talk in bed and I got her some toys. Eventually I arranged for her to get a massage that ened up with them having sex for a couple of hours. She got mad at me saying I set her up and should have talked to her about it first.(it worked with wife #1 and after the first time it was on) this time with #2 different story. no toys, no dirty talk for 3 years. However recently in the last 2 yrs we are back to using toys, one is a large 9′”x5″ black realcock. I used it on her first in the dark before she saw it and she was creaming and squiting all over the place and said that was the best orgasm in her life. so then I showed her her new toy and when she saw it was a big black cock put the idea in her head of how good a real one might feel. she has noew shared with me dreams and fantasies of begin with black men but says it will stay just that and nothing more. The most recent event on our anniversary weekend get away we saw a black guy with a white gal at the hotel and the light bulb light up( i could see the wheels turning when she saw them) and told me how good she thought they looked together saying there is nothing more beautiful than an interracial couple. that was a surprise because I have not said anything or pushed her any more.I have now purposly not been very active while having sex and being more agressive with the big black dildo, denying her me cumming in her which she loves. I am sure it is only a matter of time before she is ready to go another step forward all the while I am contanly telling her how beautiful and sexy she is and how much she means to me. I wish you all luck in your task and hope anything I add can be helpful to someone else.

  13. on 15 Oct 2009 at 3:37 amStrumpy

    About the time we got engaged my wife to be confessed to 6 previous sex partners. She was worried about my reaction and to reassure her I told her it was the sexiest thing I’d ever heard. She was just pleased that I wasn’t jealous about it.

    About 4 years after we were married we went for a seaside holiday on the Med. Away from the constraints of home a woman’s libido comes to the fore and takes over. Guys were ogling her and coming on to her. She loved it. One guy she particularly fancied. I challenged her to get a date with him. She dithered but I told her that for me it would be sexy like her confession of past boyfriends. She allowed herself to be persuaded.

    She had a wonderful time on that date and told all in detail.

    It was a great holiday. I like her to behave at home but since then she will usually have an adventure when we’re away.

  14. on 29 Jul 2011 at 5:26 amjohn

    my wife of nine years knows how turned on i am of this idea,and actually wears sexy clothes when we go out so the guys will look at her knowing it pleases me,at first she was shocked when i mentioned the fantasy but now she is helping me research it more together,my question is ,is there any hotwife starter books we can buy detailing first time exsperiences,maybe even written by a lady would have a greater impact

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