Cuckold jealousy
I received a question via email today about jealousy and how it’s handled when it comes up in cuckold situations. I think there’s no doubt when a couple decides to engage in a hotwife / cuckold lifestyle at any level, they’ll definitely encounter jealousy issues on the part of the husband. Smart couples will address and work through those issues quickly and monitor them often.
Watching your wife with another man is very exciting and thrilling, but the powerful emotion of jealousy and envy can erupt without warning. You, as her loving, yet cuckolded, husband need to be prepared to address it and handle it.
I’d like to propose three steps that men can work through their cuckold jealousy, and keep his evolving relationship with his hotwife positive, and her encounters with her lovers fun and exciting. I’m not a psychologist or anything like that. These are just things I do to address my occasional jealousy issues, and turn those negative feelings into thoughts that drive my lust for my hotwife even greater.
Step One: Acknowledgment
When the pangs of jealous envy begin to rear their ugly head, the first thing I do is acknowledge that is what I’m feeling. I take a few minutes, take some deep breaths, and identify and label those thoughts as jealous ones. I think this is very important. After a few times, this step will help you prepare for future bouts of envy and you’ll begin to identify those feelings faster. It’ll also help you begin to see a pattern of why or when those feelings of cuckold jealousy happen for you. For me, I get the jealousy pangs when one of three things happen: 1) When Allie sees a lover’s cock for the first time, and its bigger than mine; 2) When Allie cums with a lover quickly when he’s fucking her; and 3) When Allie fucks one of her lovers for an hour or more without him cumming.
Do you see a pattern there? For me, my pattern of cuckold jealousy revolves all around my feelings of sexual inadequacy. I’m sure the same pattern exists for other jealous cuckolds out there, yet I’m sure there are others. I found that by acknowledging my jealousy and identifying those feelings as such, helped me to enjoy those encounters more. Until you acknowledge them, you can’t do the next step.
Step Two: Transference
After I found my pattern of cuckold jealousy, I learned that transferring those negative feelings into something positive helped me a great deal. The very first time I saw Allie having sex with another man, I almost couldn’t handle it. I had a big problem with it, even though I wanted to see and experience it. I was wracked with jealousy, and even had to leave the room for a little while, while he plowed away into her. Needless to say, I didn’t handle the early encounters very well.
Later, I determined that the reason why I felt so jealous was because I loved by wife so much, and that I felt threatened by men that were able to please her with more ability and ease than I had. I transferred my thoughts of jealousy, into thoughts of admiration and love. Admiration of men that were obviously more capable than me, and love for my wife that was getting the kind of pleasure she deserved. After I started transferring my jealous feelings, I was ready for the last step.
Step Three: Acceptance
The last step I use to conquer the jealousy in my head is to accept the situation. I just think, “this is just the way it is. This is what I wanted.” I accept that I love my wife and she loves me, but this is what is best for her and her lover. It’s best for her to be pleased by capable men. And it’s best for me to just watch and help out as needed (or not).
So, when I see my hot wife Allie on her hands and knees, with her lover behind her, fucking her pregnant ass, I accept it. That’s right. It’s what I want. It’s what she wants. And it’s certainly what he wants.
And after a lover unloads his cum on Allie’s tits, and she tells me to put my head down and lick it off her, I accept it. I love her more giving her the confidence to, and she loves me for following her wishes. I might be jealous that he got to cum, and I didn’t, but that’s okay. I’m doing it because I love her and respect his role in the encounter.
I don’t expect people not in this lifestyle to accept or even understand this concept. It’s a leap that couples have to make if they’re going to be successful in this kind of play. And if they take it a step further, and make it a full lifestyle choice, they’ll find out quickly that issues with cuckold jealousy have to be addressed early and often. There’s no more powerful phenomenon in the hotwife / cuckold dynamic, but I really think with some time and patience, husbands can make it work for them.
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Posted by David | Apr. 16, 2007 | Posted in Advice, Cuckolds | 6 Comments »
This is really helpful advice, my wife and I are cuckolding again after sometime difficulty with jealousy. We are both excited and I plan to use your techniques when her lover visits this week.
Hey David,
Thts awesome golden advice i rather say for future hotwife hubbies like me.numereous times this has arised in me “will i can handle it” but so far i never met with any solutions or explanation untill i saw ur post here.
thks david
I wanted to say that I thought your advice was very beneficial and i look forward to applying it to my own situation. In my own blog i have chronicalled how i believe my marriage is evolving into a cuckold based one and i hope that by following your advice it will help me successfully adjust to my new role.
Those are very helpful explanations that were learned first hand on how to deal with what must be hard for a cuckold to come to terms with.
The comments following are enlightening and what must be how relationships like yours thrive.
…. this is just the way it is. This is what I wanted.†I accept that I love my wife and she loves me, but this is what is best for her and her lover. It’s best for her to be pleased by capable men. And it’s best for me to just watch and help out as needed (or not)….
I would say that the majority of men would rather be sexually physical with a lady,especially their wife, than sit back and watch. This is how you want things and thoroughly enjoy it and happen to be satisfied sexually through the enjoyment of your wife,even though from what i read,some of your reasonings are forced, so to relate to many of your readers.
….That’s right. It’s what I want. It’s what she wants. And it’s certainly what he wants….
I can’t blame the lovers for wanting Allie.I’m sure she gets lost in her lovemaking to her b/fs and f/bs and its beautiful. It appears she has some independence from you while you are dependent on her and don’t have your own identity and that may be by design. I realize in a blog,the true intent and feelings aren’t construed to the readers,nor could they be, since everything can’t be revealed.
….. I love her more giving her the confidence to, and she loves me for following her wishes….
It takes someone really confident in his relationship to be totally submissive to their partner,even though some eat creampies or fluff a lover and that is something repulsive to most straight men. I guess thats why many cuckold couples keep that personal. There’s no way in hell i would do that,even if it was my woman’s fantasy. I’m not submissive in that way either. Since she originally submitted to you,i guess it works both ways lol.
…. I don’t expect people not in this lifestyle to accept or even understand this concept….
You’re right. I think its great since it works for you two and you are happy but to understand it,no way lol. To defer to other men doesn’t sound fun,especially when they take away alone time with her. I don’t know. I’m sure you are good at balancing it all. There’s more to a marriage than sex,albeit all types,although thats a part of it. You prefer to watch Allie with other men while many of us horndogs find it more sexually fulfilling enjoying multiple women. Very different wants and needs.There’s room for it all.
I agree with all the points made and wish to add only this. A wife can help play a huge role in keeping jealousy to a minim.
1. She should always consider and be considerate of her husbands wish’s, desires, needs and wants.
2. She should always reinforce that though a lover might be a wonderful fuck, he is not the king bee when it comes to making love to her, for only her husband gets to do that.
3. She should always reinforce that no mans cock is better then her mans even if she has to lie to do it.
4. She should never hide details, make phone calls with out letting the husband listen if he chooses too, she must do nothing that causes the husband to doubt her trust or infringe on his.
5. She should do the little things that say I love you over and over, just as the husband needs to do for her. It can be as simple as a favorite candy bar when buying gas.
6. She should hold some things that are shared only between her and her man. Maybe it’s anal sex, maybe its oral sex, maybe it’s the way of foreplay, etc.
7. Her and her husband need to have clearly set up rules to play by that they both agree on 100%
8. She should always allow the husband the right to say NO, not that guy, and she should honor that request.
9. Trust will continue and love and trust will grow with each experience shared if the experiences do not become one sided. Therefore sharing details, pictures, and always ending by making love with the husband.
If those small things are done, there will be far less if any jealousy. Men must be as willing to live by the rules, forgive when one is broken, be understanding and most of all show your love and desire for you wife not just her experience. If you make the experience the important thing, instead of her, then you lower her to the worth of a good prono movie and you will have problems.
Thanks for your perspective. It helps me remember my place.
We are an older couple, 50s. We have been involved off and on since 2000.
Wife has recently had a young man late 20s. She obtained an apartment and more or less moved in with him as I’m not home often. I was made to pay for the apartment, utilities and food. She was totally smitten with him but as time went by she discovered things about him she couldn’t deal with. So, that’s over as of last week.
She also has a boyfriend 40s. She’s with him as often as she can. He called her on a Saturday I was home and she made a date with him for that night. I have never met this guy so I had some concern but she reasuured me everything would be okay. Very bold move by her, to leave me alone all night to be with her lover, especially when I’m home so seldom. 9:00 PM she called me after they had dinner and were ready to start their romance for the night. 2:30 AM I couldn’t stand it anymore and called her cell. She answered and told me she was fine, resting with him and would start home around 7:00 AM, she also said he was so horny, he did her five times. Jealousy and envy for him. When she finally arrived home she told me to clean her with my tounge before she would let me fuck her. Of course I was so excited I came quickly. She said it’s okay she was tired from screwing David all night and needed to rest. I was allowed to watch them last December. He has a very thick cock.