Allie and I both spend a lot of time in the evenings chatting with friends (and potential friends) online in chat rooms or via instant messenger. Time and time again, we encounter people with poor online chat ettiqutte–especially in the adult and kink chat rooms. You’d think now that online chatting has begun to emerge as a mature form of communication, people would be have some sensibilities about how they present themselves online. I guess that’s hard for some guys to do when they’re only typing with one hand, and thinking with the wrong head. At any rate, today I found some great guidelines for chatting and meeting people.
Neko over at Letters to an Angel spells out some good points. Here’s a snip:
1. Be yourself, as much as possible. This is critical. If you are “playing a role”, you WILL be found out, sooner or later. Why waste her time and your money by pretending to be something you aren’t. If you’re brash and agressive, don’t pretend to be sensitive and thoughtful. And vice versa, of course.
2. Learn how to convey sarcasm, humour, and such in an online chat medium. Remember, when you are typing the words out, she can’t hear your tone of voice.
3. Flirt with her. She’s going to want to be wooed, so expect it up front.
4. Move slowly. Everyone is going to have different expectations of what’s going on.
5. When you feel ready, make a move, and start trying to appeal to her sexuality. **THIS DOES NOT MEAN TELLING HER ABOUT YOUR PREVIOUS ENCOUNTERS**
6. Try not to fall into any of the obvious traps of online chat. “What are you doing? What are you wearing?”, etc. Try to be a little more creative and original than that.
7. Try to introduce areas of mutual interest in the conversation. After all, you DID read her profile, didn’t you? You DID chat with women that were interesting to you, didn’t you? You want MORE than just a bed partner, don’t you?
8. Don’t ask for a picture right off. See if there’s mutual interest first. Yeah, you may end up chatting with women that are not attractive to you, but asking too early for a picture identifies you as a horndog. (BTW - 2 sentences in is WAY too early, guys. Give it five or ten minutes before you ask…)
9. Never send risque pictures *unless asked to do so*. (Yes, I have been asked on more than one occassion for risque pictures. No, angel wasn’t the one asking.) This means don’t have them in your profile. That’s right, no pictures of “your little friend”, please. She probably won’t be interested, because women don’t tend to be nearly as visually oriented as we men are.
10. When there is a level of comfort between the two of you, try to move the conversation off of the dating service. Move to MSN, or email. Or ask for a phone number, if there is sufficient connection. This will probably make for a more focussed conversation, on both your parts.
11. Tell her your real first name early in the conversation. Yeah, I know, it can be scary to do this. But it definitely shows that you’re looking for something more real.
12. When you’re chatting with her - FOCUS ON HER. That means that you don’t want to be having 12 chats at once. She’ll realize what’s going on, and it sends a negative message. If you’re in too many chats at once, pick one or two, and focus on them. Don’t keep bouncing from chat window to chat window - you’ll mix them up, or take too long to respond, and lose the opportunity.
There’s more. Head over to Letters to an Angel and read over them. When you’re done, come chat with us.
David :: Jan.19.2005 ::
Advice, Chat and Transcripts ::
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